guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
