He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
