We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
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