He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
