Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
