I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
