hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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