Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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