advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
