At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
