you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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