Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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