sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
