Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
