careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
