just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
