i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
