I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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