Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
