what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
