he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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