im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
