In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
