I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
