He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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