she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
