we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
