Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
