Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My feet surprised me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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