I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
