you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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