Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
