I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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