she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
