I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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