Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
