Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
