if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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