By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
