She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
