I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
