I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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