I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
