You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
