My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
