and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
