I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The best revenge is premature balding
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
