Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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