He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
