Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
