I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
