if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
