ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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