Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
