i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
