we're chasing vodka with high fives
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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