There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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