She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
