shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
