Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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