i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
