i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize