The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
