my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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