I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
