I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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